Nigerian business proposal - Porcupine (22/02/2003 1:59:12 AM)

Oh ya, these African guys have been after my help for ages. I am forever getting messages from them, asking me to assist them in transferring huge sums of money out of their country, and for this they will make me wealthy. They must have heard how honest I am. What they have not heard is that I do not crave monetary wealth. I work for the freakin' university for heaven's sake. And what they are asking me to do is dishonest anyways. The few replies that I have sent usually only contain three words. The first one is "Please" because I like to be thought of as polite. The last two words really lack imagination and aren't quite so polite. Sometimes I think I would really like to play with these guys for a while, I have been known to send creative responses to spammers, but on browsing the net I see that it has already been done. Apparently these Nigerian fellows have been asking more people than just me! Outrageous I know. You have to visit the scam joke page and read the Peace Luha adventure. There are warnings all over the net about our African business friends. It really spoils it all for people who are legitimately trying to smuggle money out of Africa. How are we supposed to tell the real thing from the shysters? And there is nothing the Australian government can/will do.

Speaking of funny and strange things... - Mafu (13/02/2003 5:36:15 AM)

Just click the link! http://www.coxar.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/

Fast food - Mafu (12/02/2003 1:29:31 AM)

Cleaning out the aviary at a run-down zoo, the keeper finds two finches that have died of old age. He picks them up and places them in a sack. After cleaning the cage he puts the sack in his wheelbarrow and moves on to the next cage. When he reaches the primate cage he finds two chimps who have also died of natural causes. "Waste not, want not," he says as puts them in the sack with the finches. Later at feeding time, he flips the dead animals from the sack, into the lions' cage. "Bloody hell!" roars the lion. "Not finch and chimps again!"

yellow bamboo - DrSpleen (9/02/2003 8:24:07 PM)

YellowBamboo is potentially the funniest thing that I have ever seen.

Three Blonde Jokes.... - Mafu (5/02/2003 11:45:25 PM)

Theres a blonde on each side of the river. The first blonde yells to the second "How do you get across the river?" The second replies "You are already there!" A blonde was filling out an application form for a job. She promptly filled the columns entitled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc. Then she came to the column: SALARY EXPECTED. "Yes". Why did the blonde get fired from her job at the M&M factory? She threw away all the "W&W's" Read more (2)

The Lord's Prayer - Purple Penguin (5/02/2003 2:14:27 AM)

A senior executive from KFC travelled to the Vatican to seek an audience with the Pope. When he finally got to meet the Pontif, he said: "Your Holiness. I come all the way from the United States with a proposition from my company. We would like you to change one line of the Lord's Parayer. Instead of saying 'Give us this day our daily bread', we would like it to say 'give us this day our daily chicken'. For this, KFC will donate $10 million to Catholic charities." The Pope thought for a moment and replied, "My son, this is something that I can not do." A month went by and the KFC executive was back. He met again with the Pope and said: "Your Holiness. I've returned with another proposition from my company. We would still like you to change one line of the Lord's Parayer. Instead of saying 'Give us this day our daily bread', we would like it to say 'give us this day our daily chicken'. For this, KFC will donate $50 million to Catholic charities." Again the Pope thought for a moment and replied, "My child, your offer is indeed generous, but this is still something that I can not do." The executive left, and after another month went by, he was back again to see the Pope. "Your Holiness", he said. "I've returned with yet another proposition from my company. We would still like you to change one line of the Lord's arayer. Instead of saying 'Give us this day our daily bread', we would like it to say 'give us this day our daily chicken'. For this, KFC is prepared to ofer the sum of $100 million to Catholic charities." An hour later, the Pope addressed the Vatican council: "Everyone! I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that we have just received a donation of $100 million dollars to help out charities, worldwide." After the applause died down, the Pope continued, "The bad news, however, is that we have lost the Wonder White account."

Home time! - Mafu (4/02/2003 7:13:28 PM)

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early. "Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know." So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time. The next day at work, they meet in the morning, and discuss their early home time. "That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime." "No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

Diplomatic relations - Mafu (3/02/2003 8:24:58 PM)

There's an Irishman, and Englishman and Frenchman, and they get caught by cannibals. The cannibals first bring out the Englishman. They say "We're gunna kill ya, we're gunna skin ya, we're going to eat ya, and then make your hide into a canoe". "But, you can choose the way you want to die" The Englishman says, "I'm an Englishman, so give me a revolver". They give him a revolver and he shoots himself in the head. The cannibals skin him, they eat him, and then make him into a canoe. The cannibals then bring out the Frenchman. They say "We're gunna kill ya, we're gunna skin ya, we're going to eat ya, and then make your hide into a canoe". "But, you can choose the way you want to die" The French man says, "I'm an French man, so give me a guillotine". They give him a guillotine and he cuts off his head. The cannibals skin him, they eat him, and then make him into a canoe. The cannibals then bring out the Irish man. They say "We're gunna kill ya, we're gunna skin ya, we're going to eat ya, and then make your hide into a canoe" "But, you can choose the way you want to die" The Irish man considers for a moment, and then says "Give me a fork" The cannibals are confused, but give him a fork. The Irish guy grabs the fork, and spears it into his chest all over. . "There, you kill me, you can skin me, and you can eat me. BUT YOU'RE NOT MAKING NO FREAKIN' CANOE!"