POP1Static Archive - because the orignal host didn't pay their bills, then our second host was murdered by Yahoo.

  • General
  • Software
  • Hardware
  • Movies
  • Hot Wheels!
  • Food & Drink
  • Games
  • Rants!
  • Pets
  • Jokes
  • The Escapist - The Salton Sea - Elsta (5/04/2003 7:34:56 AM)
    I know some of you will refuse to rent these movies just because I say they’re good… SO! You watched the Tom Green movie cause I said it was good and now you’re not gunna listen to me no matter what? Right?

    I deserve it. I know I’m a bad man but if you listen to me just one more time I’ll make up for all that elephant and horse masturbation! I promise.

    So what movies would some one of my caliber and respected position possibly go out on a limb for and risk his untarnished reputation?

    I’m at the video store looking over the new releases and I come across the cover The Salton Sea. It’s in the new release section and yet I can’t remember ever seeing it advertised for the big screen, not a good sign right? Additional investigation reveals that it has a big name actor (Val Kilmer), so why is it I have never heard of The Salton Sea?
    Its R rated that’s why… and as soon as I saw that it was 18 + I knew then that the director must have refused to play down his scenes to appeal to the bigger demographic markets AND there was a good chance the movie would show BOOBIES!
    As it turns out you get no boobies but you do get a good movie for your bucks!

    The Salton Sea: 6 and ½ boobies.

    It’s not very often that you go to the video store and pick up two good movies in the same night. I did. The Escapist is cool, very funny and the best British movie I can remember seeing. Imagine you want to go to prison… what would you do to get there?
    It’s a great story that’s well worth the 87 minutes it’ll take ya to watch it.

    The Escapist: 7 boobies.

    Don’t avoid these two cinematic masterpieces just because I said Tom Green was funny.

    Fuck you all!

    And I know Penguin at least found the elephant masturbation strangely erotic.
    DreamCatcher - Kitten (3/04/2003 8:33:38 PM)
    Looks like i got involved in going to a premiere last night.

    Judging from the preview I had seen, I was expecting some kind of psychopathic killing machine flick, but it turns out this movie is all about ALIEN INVASION.

    It's heaps funny to start out with, you get to know a little bit about the characters and their history together: 4 boys who are best of friends; Henry, Jonesy, Beaver and Ben ... I can't remember his name!!! When they were young, they save this young disabled kid called 'Duddit' from being tormented by the 'bullies', in return for their friendship Duddit gives them all a gift, to be telepathic, empathetic and to see a little into the future as well.

    The story switches to when they are all 30-something making their yearly hunting trip out into the woods in a snowbound cabin. Whilst separated into 2 pairs, they each come across a lost wanderer. Jonesy and Beaver find a man, who is making the most horrible flatuations, they give him a bed and food and think nothing more of it ... and then all hell breaks loose.

    Henry and Ben are involved in a car crash attempting to avoid the 2nd lost person - the woman who has the same symptoms as her friend the other guys came across. Only she has to stay outside in the snow with Ben while Henry goes for help.

    Meanwhile there is a special ops group who have been chasing this alien invasion for 25 years arrive and quarantine the woods, hoping to go all "Independence Day" on their gooey asses. Which kind of works, but doesn't really, as the gooey leader is still on the loose!

    Henry, being the only survivor, sets out to help one of the special ops team members track down the goo-man and save the world with the help of his special friend Duddits and his remarkable psychic gifts.

    It was a long movie! Very gooey, gorey and oh so funny at times. I thought it was really crazy and out there!

    If you liked Final Destination, Halloween type movies then this movie is for you. If you're a vegetarian - do NOT even contemplate it!!!
    Read more (1)
    Nicole stole Rene's Oscar! - Princess (24/03/2003 8:22:35 PM)
    The bitch... :)

    I am most upset at this, while the hours was a lovely heart warming film, I think that Chicago was a far better package, and Rene was the better actress this year, because she had more to work with. Mind you, it is Nicole's turn, I just can't understand why she didn't get best actress for "Days of Thunder" - she did get Tom Cruise mind you, (and didn't that turn out to be a lemon).

    I shall avoid the puns of cruise control in race cars, and her marrage hitting the skids, after all, such cheap shots rarely have the build quality that you have all come to expect of me - I shall just say, Congrats Nicole.

    Oh! Denzel Washington, if you're reading this, bad pun! It took me a few hours to work out that you were talking about the prostechic nose that Nicole had in the film, and not the vote by which she won.
    Read more (4)
    DareDevil - Porcupine (24/03/2003 5:47:38 AM)
    I didn't know who with or where I was going to see this one until a couple hours before hand. Dragonfly couldn't really make it, so Ninja and brethren was the team to be with. AMC are still better value than the Hoyts/Birch Carol and Coyle group. Esp if you have one of BCC's discount cards. Of course, movies are usually cheaper at the independent cinemas like the Schonnel or Hawthorne and Balmoral out at Bulimba, which is also a great cafe district, much less manufactured feel than the big generica shopping centre based cinemas.

    Anyways, Daredevil, a blind guy that can see. Well he has a kind of sonar vision, he's really sensitive to sound, and his dexterity has been increased somewhat. He used to hang out with the Fantastic Four occasionally (not in this movie), another bunch of Marvel Comics super heroes who were my favourite as a kid. Well, them and spiderman. Spiderman has already made it to the big screen a couple times now. Hulk has been a TV mini series. Fantastic Four have been screwed around with some really fussy bastard making sure that nobody can make a movie from them. Oh well, at least the other major Marvel comic guys seem to be getting out into movie format. Wonder if Silver Surfer will ever make it? I am not a DareDevil fan thus cannot tell if the film is an accurate translation of the comic.

    DareDevil is a reasonable movie for its genre. The kid scenes are mostly corny cliches, and Affleck has his share of the corny stuff too. Some of the CGI (computer graphics) physics were way out, your mind immediately says: "this is just wrong!" It's the modern equivalent of old black and white ninja films where they jump onto roofs, which is obviously just reversed film of jumping off the roof.

    Realistic story line? Hell no. Don't even go there. Besides the corn and the bad graphics, there are some awesome action scenes, and some very well cast villains. In fact, the casting in this movie is pretty spot on. I also liked the moral anguish for the hero as he looks at what he is doing and why. I didn't like the obvious tobacco product placement throughout the film.

    Overall, I enjoyed it, but I could see how any particular person might go either way.
    Read more (1)
    Just Married! - Dragonfly (3/03/2003 3:01:25 AM)
    It was a Sunday afternoon and Porcupine & I had planned to attend the Tropfest film festival at Suncorp Stadium. But amidst the rush and crowds, I decided that a movie would be better. Besides, there was a DVD you could order online containing each of the 16 Tropfest finalist films and I had already seen shorts of each film. So we headed for the BCC cinemas for a dose of Just Married.

    I had watched the trailer for Just Married last year and really wanted to see it as soon as it came out. As always, most movies don’t hit Australian cinemas for about a month or two after US release. But what confused me was the fact that BCC held special Valentine’s Day screenings one week, advance screenings the next week and the usual screenings later that same week. Anyways…

    Just Married is a comedy about two people who rush into the wonderful world of marriage. A chance meeting… boy knocks girl out with a football while she’s walking her dog along the beach, boy runs over and says, “Are you ok?” Girl replies, “You had nothing on it!” (Which actually translates to “Well duh, of course I’m not ok. My head really hurts! But you are such a babe, I don’t mind.”) Add a game of pool and some alcohol and you have the perfect recipe for love! Well maybe.

    The movie starts at the end of Sarah (Brittany Murphy) and Tom’s (Ashton Kutcher) honeymoon in Europe. They are at each other’s throats and on the verge of breakup. Then the story takes a step back in time to explain how the couple met, their wedding day and that honeymoon from hell. Nothing seems to go smoothly for the newlyweds throughout their honeymoon and attempts at love making prove impossible. To begin with, the car Tom has hired turns out to be this ludicrous yellow Matchbox car, which eventually ends up at the bottom of the Swiss Alps courtesy of some grumpy old lady. It moves at about 10km an hour and takes them almost a day to reach their French châteaux accommodation (and yes, the nuns are included! Bonjour-Merci!). When Tom causes a power out at the châteaux, the brigades are called in & Sarah and Tom are kicked out. (Juvenile Americans with their tempers and toys!) A night in their Matchbox car and a night in a cockroach-infested motel sends Sarah calling her father for help.

    Now you must note that Sarah comes from a wealthy Beverly Hills family and Tom is your average radio traffic reporter working the grave shift. Sarah’s family dislikes him & believes that she can do much better. They even attempt to breakup the marriage by sending Prentis (Sarah’s one-time fiancé) over to Europe to spoil the honeymoon. It doesn’t work, but certainly complicates things resulting in more arguments.

    With this continual cycle of disasters and fighting, you have to wonder why these two lovers rushed into marriage so soon and at such a young age. It allows the skeptics to say, “I told you so!” or “I knew it wouldn’t work”. Fortunately, this is a Hollywood film with a happy ending. And both characters learn about one another throughout the course of the film. As much as they fight, they always make up. The charming chemistry between the stars convinces you that their love is true despite the circumstances. And the morals of the story make you believe it can work, even though it probably wouldn’t in reality.

    Just Married is an enjoyable film. Murphy and Kutcher are entertaining to watch. You’ll laugh at them. You’ll laugh with them. You’ll feel sorry for them. Great fun! So go see it!
    Half Past Dead - Ninja (24/02/2003 7:26:22 AM)
    This movie shoulda been called DOA.

    I usually like to write an expansive post regarding a movie that I have just seen so that everyone can get a well-rounded view on the movie. I won't do that with this one as quite frankly, it isn't worth the time.

    PLEASE DON'T EVER SEE THIS MOVIE. It sucks. The worst thing about the movie? The length. Almost 2 hours of pure boredom. One wonders how a martial arts movie actor (heh yeah right) can make a movie with bugger all martial arts in the whole movie?!

    I hope no one else wastes any money or time on this movie. Stephen Segal you have a lot to answer for!
    Read more (5)
    Gangs of New York - Porcupine (15/02/2003 4:21:08 AM)
    The good people from Leading Solutions decided to treat their customers to a movie, and I, for one, would like to applaud such acts of generosity. I even managed to smuggle someone else in too.

    Gangs of New York is set in the mid 1800s where apparently there was a lot of gang related violence. They've been trying to stamp that sort of thing out for ages, but it's been around since the dawn of man so the task is really cut out for the authorities. Here we actually see the authorities utilising the gangs as a political force.

    Leonardo DiCaprio plays the lead thug who's dad was killed by some other thug (Daniel Day-Lewis) when Leo was little. Revenge! Not that I am into that. Cameron Diaz gets a role in this story too, but it really feels tacked on so the movie has a female lead.

    We get to see how the people from the wrong side of the tracks lived in New York during the 1800s. Well at least how Martin Scorsese thinks they lived. Rascism, xenophobia, civil war, religious intolerance, class intolerance, sexism, thievery, thugery, murder, rape, political corruption, gang violence, civil unrest, all the dark side of humanity out in the open and clearly displayed. Of course, in one hundred years they will be looking on us in much the same way, won't they Mr Bush (*many* similarities in today's situation and this movie).

    The violence starts almost right from the start and is pretty full on. Not Ninja Scroll type of "full on" (if you have not seen this then you must, just ask me), but as close as most movies like to get. There are also plenty of sex scenes, apparently that happened back then too. The sets are extraordinarily well done. The computer generated city scenes are just amazing. There is even a very gutsy depiction of New York developing across the ages that includes the world trade centre towers. Well done Martin!

    There are some rather cool scenes on the docks. Including immigrants coming off a boat, lining up to be conscripted, lining up to get back on a boat to go fight, while coffins of previous conscripts are being taken off the boat .

    Apart from telling you about the issues of the time, most of the movie is about giving the lead characters depth. The bad guy, Day-Lewis, isn't all bad, and DiCaprio faces internal moral dilemma about his revenge. Not entirely sure what hardened his resolve though. We are meant to see things from the point of view of DiCaprio, so every bad thing he does, needed doing, all in the cause of his quest. To kill a man. Who needs killin'. Day-Lewis probably had weapons of mass destruction, doesn't matter that we can't find them. It's like every bad thing anyone does, we all justify it and our view of our part in the story alters so slightly to have us as the good guy. Except for me, I'm always the good guy.

    The story is mostly predictable, but entertaining enough to watch for 2hrs 46min.
    Read more (1)
    Nemesis - no longer a virgin... - Princess (12/02/2003 7:38:46 AM)
    Well, after seeing Porcupine’s critiques of other films on this website, I decided that I should give something back to the Pop1 people. Recently I went with a friend of mine to see “Star Trek: Nemesis” at the Indooroopilly Birch, Carroll and Coyle megaplex.

    Aside from all of the eye candy (of course I am not talking special effects, and by the way, you in the blue shirt, if you’re reading this, I gave you my number so that you would call, ffs), the three kilograms of popcorn and the 4 liters of Coca-Cola, we managed to get our tickets and be all seated in the hall in record time. “Why?” I hear you ask, well, my movie friend was actually on time! You could have knocked me over with a feather.

    There was a reasonable smattering of people in the hall, sharing this experience with us, including the blue boy, he was very tall, had milky white skin, and jet black hair. But I digress – My friend, David and I tried to work out how wide the screen in Cinema 9 was, using the standard measurement of the length of his Toyota Cressida, until the time came, the lights dimmed and we were presented with the slide based advertising.

    Being me, I naturally bitched about the fact that the Val Morgan dude that surfed on and chomped up the popcorn was missing – only to find that when the slides were replaced with the motion ads there he was. I was enjoying my great view of the blue boy, wondering if he would use the phone number that I gave him. I mean, after all, he was so hot – he had this cute little spiky duck billed hair thing going on – and green eyes.

    So, it started, the film that is, and we were presented with a lovely rendition of the Jerry Goldsmith theme and then I saw it, the first thing that I knew this was not pure star trek – the Dragon heart font! I started to wonder just exactly what was I dealing with. Who does this? Why on earth, (or not on earth as the theme would suggest), in God’s name would anyone choose a medieval looking font for the opening titles of a fricken’ futuristic science fiction film?

    It took me about ten minutes to recover from the sheer tastelessness that the production designer, Herman Zimmerman, had visited upon us, the loyal movie going public.

    Alright, so the film progressed – Wil Wheaton was there, and has anyone noticed that he got fat? And I am not talking endearingly so as is the case with yours truly, fortunately Wheaton kept his whining mouth shut (although he is tall, with light skin and very dark hair) and praise the prophets that he didn’t save the ship. I should also mention the fact that Frakes had grey in his beard and looked as if he was truly over the hill, and oh, I guess that I shouldn’t bitch too much about the fact that even the android had aged, after all, it has been 15 years since this whole thing started.

    Kate Mulgrew showed up as Admiral Janeway – her first season bun was back, as was her full on arrogant micro-management – somehow promotion has not improved the Hepburn wannabe’s people skills.

    The story was a little bit slow at the start, as with all even star treks, but it got going, and I enjoyed it, then the next non-star trek thing happened – AN ACTUAL SEX SCENE. There it was, finally I knew why the Americans couldn’t handle it. Never before had we actually seen sex in Star Trek. As the scene progressed, I realized how pivotal to the plot this would be because it turned into a rape scene of one of the Bridge officers. (This later turns into two of the bridge officers indulging personal vendettas in two separate events – once again, not very star trek).

    Well, I know that this is really too late, but to cut a long story short, it was a good movie, far better then the hideous Star Trek: Insurrection (which, in spite of its hideousness had the correct font). I guess the usual nerds were annoyed because there was more sex on the screen then they have had in the past five years. Mind you I can so understand about the nerds objecting on the basis of the type face. Zimmerman – you have a lot to answer for! Now that I have my star trek fix for a while, I am going to focus on the really important stuff – like willing Blue Boy to call me, Zimmerman, if he does, I will forgive that ridiculous font... but only just.

    Read more (2)
    Far from heaven - Porcupine (6/02/2003 4:00:44 AM)
    Like a good little droid, I followed my own link to 97.3FM, and saw the give away movie thing. So I entered. And I got free tickets! Something called "Far from heaven". OK, well, why not. They are free and it is a preview. Alrighty! A call to get my movie loving partner into mode, and I'm set for a night at the wonderful Hoyts Regent where I watched Star Wars about 25 years ago.

    What is "Far from heaven" about? Not much. Forget the story, it doesn't say much.

    It stars the hideous Julianne Moore who really should not be let outside for fear of sending little kids into catalepsy. She has a gentle airhead role here which suits her well. She plays a model housewife who married a gay guy, played rather too convincingly by Dennis Quaid (finally coming out Dennis?), and falls in love with a black guy. I have no idea why the black guy would be in the slightest bit interested in Julianne, she adds nothing to the relationship. Being black or gay wouldn't be much of an issue these days, so the film is set in the 1950s. And how! I have to say that the sets are just outstanding and the cinematography is awesome. They really picked the time of year too, the autumn colours of the trees were simply shocking to my sub tropical eyes. I'm thinking that the film used was over saturated because a lot of colours were just too good. The cars all looked mint condition, the every day stuff they used looked new (but from the 1950s), the clothes, the hair - etc etc.

    They also tried to capture the way people thought in middle America at that time. Homosexuals have a problem that can be cured by therapy, even electro-shock (what do you do for a living? oh I fry fruit). Black coloured skin means you are invisible a lot of the time - an awesome ability if you ask me. Language was gosh darned tame. The little snotty kid, who went to the all american school of over acting, came out with some great corny lines.

    The 1950s. Where normality is a necessity and bad things are hidden, not discussed. When movies were slow. Oh so damned slow. There was a small cheer for "The End" written at the film's conclusion in the lovely 1950s font.

    The story kind of wanders around, takes forever getting nowhere really. Resolves nothing. Makes you more aware just how uncomfortable your butt is.

    Do I recommend this movie? Hell no!

    Finally, Starbucks put too much ice in their ice tea. Which is OK, coz it isn't that nice anyways. Their muffins are good but.
    Frailty - Porcupine (3/02/2003 4:13:33 AM)
    A spontaneous desire to watch a movie by a good friend and we're off to the 9:15pm session of Frailty. I was still quite tired from the flu or whatever, but since I hadn't seen a movie for more than 24hrs I took the girl and ran.

    It is pretty good coming into a movie cold. I had no idea what the movie was about and was prepared for anything. Except for the freezing air conditioning that sent my movie partner into hypothermia. Fortunately I was producing a truckload of heat by digesting the huge dinner I just ate, and the huge lunch with my parents earlier at the pancake manor. Mmmm, pancakes. Damn I could go a short stack with maple syrup and cream right now.

    Apart from us, there was only one other person in the room. By himself. I was wondering if this was an R rated movie.

    The story has a bunch of named actors in it, but the kids are the real stars of the show - both give outstanding performances.

    The basic outline of the story is this guy who goes to the FBI because he knows who a serial killer is. He then proceeds to tell the story of how his father went insane. Dad apparently had conversations with god and angels who wanted him to kill the demons in the community. Sounds like a reasonable thing for God to ask. These demons look just like people and I'm sure you're thinking of a couple likely candidates right now. Fortunately, to cut down on the confusion between demons and telemarketers, the angels give dad a list of names.

    Little brother was quickly brain washed into believing dad, so the older brother goes through all sorts of internal moral torture on what to do.

    The killings are all off screen but enough to make you wince still as the sounds are pretty full on. It isn't a suspenseful thriller but it has a well thought out story line and some pretty cool twists which make the whole movie well worth watching. Very cool.
    One Hour Photo - Porcupine (1/02/2003 8:40:19 AM)
    I was suffering from the flu I think or some work related stress. A mild persistent headache and tiredness is what I took into the cinema. Along with two very cute girls. Kind of balanced the situation out. Not too much showing at the moment. We're all waiting for Nemesis (heh! I'm sure), Daredevil, The Hulk, XMen 2, Matrix Reloaded, Solaris, Johnny English. Maybe everyone is scared off with Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter still showing.

    Mork seems to be playing some nasty people nowadays, and doing a particularly good job. I'm sure you've all seen the shorts so I won't be spoiling too much here. Um, don't read on if you want to be surprised tho.

    This is a depressing type movie about a depressing type character. Mork works in a photo lab and seems to get too attached to his customers. Yet another good reason to go digital, something that Mork actually spoke out against in the film. Mork is a washed out person, we are shown this by the way he moves with little energy, the clothes he wears are greyish, his hair and complexion seem grey, his house lacks colour apart from one wall where we know he has a busted neuron or two.

    The family he takes a liking to has lots of colour everywhere. They are fat with it. So naturally the grey man wants the colour.

    There's a good deal of art in there that they show and don't really follow. Like the kid's quite cool artistic photos, full of colour, that send Mork to tears. Mork does a voice over for some of the film, and he talks about how people take shots of basically the same things, family, pets, happy things. Arty type shots are usually of other things. Mork's arty shots are mostly sterile and grey, of course. He could save some money by switching to black and white and developing his own film. One awesome dream scene showing the colourless, emptiness of Mork's life and that his desiring eyes are his curse, and red eye is bad.

    Who's the hero? The sensitive but otherwise boring kid, the gutless wife, the cheating husband, the nutty photo guy? I'm betting on Yoshi, the photo lab assistant. Such devotion and loyalty to his master. He points out Mork's errors in processing with just the right amount of humbleness. He surpasses his master in honour to the company culminating in his inevitable rise in power. Yoshi is also gracious when he assumes his power, paying humble tribute to his fallen master. He also betrays his ex-master when his honour dictates that he must. Paul Hansen Kim portrays Yoshi as no other could, it is easy to see why he was picked for this role. I'm sure we'll see big things come Paul's way in the future. If only Romanek had given more screen time to the Yoshi character, I'm sure this movie would have been a runner for an oscar.

    Some minor nit picks include the porn guy who has failed to go digital like the rest of his industry seems to have, and the adulterer who wants to keep a photographic record of her adulterous relationship which makes good sense.

    We are given cliched reasons for Mork's behaviour, but don't know what happens to him, or anyone. It's a story without adequate conclusion. Sure you can leave it up to our imaginations, but then I could have watched the shorts and stayed home, letting my imagination fill in the rest of the movie. The acting was well done, particularly Mork, the photography and feel of the movie was pretty slick. The story just wasn't that good. Go see "Catch me if you can" first.
    8 Mile - Porcupine (23/01/2003 2:37:08 AM)
    I never really thought I would be talked into seeing this one. I am definitely not a rap fan. To me it just seems like guys acting (badly) angry at each other and pretending to be tough when they really want to be wearing dresses and leather down at the local Blue Oyster.

    Well there is one person who could talk me into going, and she is an Eminem fan. Then I hear a radio reviewer talking about the movie, the difference between various styles, how Eminem is more poetic than most and that the movie is based on his life. I try not to be closed minded ... until I'm sure of the facts, so when invited out to see "8 Mile" I thought "what could it hurt?"

    Firstly, there is a good chunk of dialogue in this movie that I couldn't understand, and I hate not understanding stuff. It took a while for my ear to get the "bro-speak" and I really had to focus when the rapping started. I had never heard of rap battles before, but on reflection it actually seemed like a pretty neat thing to do. You'd have to be talented and very quick witted. The final battle was just awesome.

    The story really goes in for a close look at how hard Rabbit (Eminem) lived and the crap he had to put up with, what he had to overcome to succeed. The characters and their interactions are very gritty. The personalities are portrayed really well. I'm actually in awe of Eminem now, the bastard has so much talent, not only can he can rap extremely well, he can act excellently too.

    Seeing his life up there on the screen I can understand where his music is coming from, his colourful choice of words and why he chose rap. Which doesn't mean I am going out and buying Eminem CDs. But I will recommend this movie even if you are only slightly interested.
    Chicago - Porcupine (23/01/2003 2:04:29 AM)
    97.3FM yet again came through with preview tickets for the POP1 crew! Unfortunately, Penguin didn't think he wanted to see this one, and Penguin's life partner couldn't make it either, so I get to go with the person of my choice. Hurrah!

    You will be all thankful to know that I have not seen the stage play and thus will make no comparisons between stage and film nor will I be able to mention the whoredomness of Rob Marshall.

    First off, Renee Zellweger is a cutie and is very well cast as Roxie. Not sure if it was her actually singing, but the voice work was excellent. Much of the music is really well done, and they seem to take great pains to not bore you with any particular number for too long (I think they failed only a couple times). My favourite part is Richard Gere's tap dance, the way the dance suited the storyline was amazing. I'm no expert, but I would say that the dancing skill of the main actors in general was pretty average, there were lots of cuts which I usually take to mean that either they are hiding fluffs or someone let Baz Luhrmann into the editing room.

    What put me off is the whole set of morals that the story is conveying. I'm not really into the glamourising of lieing, infidelity, betrayal, manipulation, bribery, murder or lawyers. I felt kinda bad that I was cheering for the morally bereft Roxie.

    The movie has some quite good chuckles sprinkled throughout, with great use of symbols, music and dance to get across a point - well it is a musical. This movie definitely aint for everyone but was entertaining enough for me. And all that jazz.
    Read more (4)
    Bowling for Columbine - Feast (16/01/2003 7:22:15 AM)
    Watch this movie, because it's a wonderfully atypical Hollywood production.

    I would have thought that a movie from America about gun control has gotta be biased by the culture that made it. The movie doesn't run like a documentary in the Documentary Channel sense, nor does it have the dry academic flavour of a research paper.

    It's emotional, it doesn't pull any punches and it's been pitched as a wake-up call for US, perhaps especially important in these times of over-aggressive US foreign policy. Ghandi is actually mentioned in the movie. The guy interviewed didn't know who Ghandi was. This was no accident.

    It's basically about guns. It's about death. It's about why these two factors are so related in the US.

    The film won't provide any answers, but it will shock. There are a few good punches in for the Left (which I enjoyed), and the scene where the "bank" sells a complementary gun with membership was just so poignant, I nearly wet myself.

    nuff said.
    Read more (2)
    Catch me if you can - Porcupine (11/01/2003 6:21:24 AM)
    I was fortunate to get to go along and see this one with Penguin and the 97.3 FM crew who gave us tickets coz one of the DJs is a friend of Penguin. Given that this is as close to sponsorship that this site has ever had, I think we should have some sort of banner somewhere for them - esp if they can keep coming up with ... say three double passes for the POP1 crowd.

    People may think that I loathe Leonardo DiCaprio because of my slightly negative view of "Titanic". Not totally true. I am DiCaprio neutral. "Romeo+Juliet" was OK, I blame Baz Luhrmann for some of the things that had me a bit off (I get motion sick easy). And I think Leo did quite well in "The quick and the dead".

    Well, "Catch me if you can" is actually quite a watchable film. It has some marvelously funny moments and in general is a good story. We follow Frank Jr (Leo) as he gets into trouble impersonating people. When he runs away from home, he finds that passing himself off as a pilot is quite easy and people literally give him the means to falsify documents, and his career is set from there. Hanratty (Tom Hanks) is the FBI goon chasing him. Hanratty has a hard time of it, but never gives up. Frank Jr has a ball racking up a huge debt, but doesn't like the fact that he is being chased.

    I didn't like the way they contrasted Tom Hanks and Leo's characters at times ~ they were saying that being bad is more fun. Let's all go out and defraud the system then shall we? The "almost caught" theme was a little repetitious, but it is good to watch - so you don't mind at all. The wrap up text is wonderful.

    Ya! Go see this one.
    The Tuxedo - Porcupine (4/01/2003 11:35:11 PM)
    Jackie Chan usually makes kick butt action movies. Generally not much plot but some excellent stunts involving an awesome but usually realistic(ish) demonstration of agility and martical arts. Jackie, as we all should know, does his own stunts which often lead to his (real life) body breaking in the process. On top of that he comes across as a really good natured happy person.

    "The Tuxedo" is a poor example of what I expect from a Jackie Chan movie. This movie is much more about special effects and wire work than martial skills. There is too much slaptstick and situation comedy which tends to fall flat. The plot (including the devices) is quite a bit more contrived and confused than usual.

    However, it is reasonable light entertainment, just don't expect the usual Jackie Chan movie.

    I just came across this KILL BILL teaser trailer which you MUST look at now. NOW!!!
    Lord of the Rings: Two Towers - Porcupine (26/12/2002 8:45:34 PM)
    Peter Jackson is a filthy whore.

    Not only do we NOT get to watch the movie in gold class because Greater Union has fallen to the dark side and had sold all gold class tickets to some souless bastard company before any of the public had a chance, but the story was also slaughtered.

    The movie is loosely based on a book of the same name by J.R.R.Tolkien. People did things in the movie that they never did in the book, things that should have been important were glossed over or ignored, some important events in the book just didn't take place at all in the movie or were changed drastically. Scenes were added that just didn't even help the story, probably so the self important actors could get more lines (like Arwen (Liv Tyler)). They re-introduced a love interest, which I guess is supposed to make the film tolerable for the girls because apparently they aren't interested at all in noble causes unless there is some sort of romantic thing happening. Are women typically that shallow? Peter Jackson seems to think so. Nothing worse than a director who treats the audience like idiots. I'm thinking he should treat us as Tolkien worshippers who have easy access to guns.

    You know, I didn't mind the story changes in the first movie. I appreciated that they had to cut stuff to fit it all in, maybe alter a few things here and there. But the changes in the second movie went too far. I kept trying to thrust the book out of my brain. However I nearly lost it when Aragorn fell off the cliff ... and again with the elves turning up at Helm's Deep. You think Gollum had it hard? I spent half the movie battling myself to just accept the movie for what it was, I really wish I didn't have to. For the completely anal retentive check out Tolkien Online.

    So, to appreciate this movie you have to [A] have not read the book recently (or care about the book) [B] be reasonably smart to keep track of all the places and people - I've read a couple reviews with people saying they were confused by all this.

    Unfortunately I can't recommend the movie as a good representation of the book. Is it a good movie to watch? I guess so, judging from the reactions of the less erudite people I went with. On some level I do appreciate the film. I am glad I didn't waste my money on seeing this atrocity in Gold Class - I did intend to go watch it again later in Gold Class, but not anymore. I won't be buying the DVD either until, maybe, the extended edition hits the bargain bin. I am not by nature a vindictive person however I think it goes without saying that Peter Jackson is fat, ugly, smells bad and has no friends.
    Read more (8)
    Sweet Home Alabama - Elsta (22/12/2002 6:17:09 AM)
    First of all let’s get this out of the road, I’m not gay and yes I am aware this movie is a chick flick. It was my sisters idea to see the movie and I’m not endorsing it I’m just using it to post a review as pop1 has been a little light over the last few weeks.

    The movie its self was not bad at all, the story although soppy and girly was well written and had less plot holes, better special effects (all one of them) and better actors then Die Another Day.

    I’m sure enough about my sexuality, heterosexuality that is, to say I enjoyed this movie and would recommend it if you have seen the latest Bond film and can’t wait for the Australian release of Tuxedo or LOTR2 to get to the cinema.

    Sweet Home Alabama had some funny bits, the story of a cat with dynamite taped to its back that managed to blow up the local bank was very funny and reminded me of my own youth and events even more recent (playing with explosives is dangerous and not recommended unless under the strict guidance of a qualified fatawa or Al Qaeda instructor).

    Ok I’ve managed to get this far with out really talking about the movie at all so here is the general gist of it:

    “New York fashion designer Melanie Carmichael suddenly finds herself engaged to the city’s most eligible bachelor. But Melanie’s past holds many secrets, including Jake, the redneck husband she married in high school, who refuses to divorce her. Bound and determined to end their contentious relationship once and for all, Melanie sneaks back home to Alabama to confront her past, only to discover that you can take the girl out of the South, but you can never take the South out of the girl. Starring – Fred Ward, Mary Kay Place, Josh Lucas and Reese Witherspoon as Melanie. Directed by Andy Tennant.”

    Quoted text from AMC

    Out of 5 you ask?
    3 ½ stars.
    James Bond - Die Another Day - Mafu (12/12/2002 9:44:54 PM)
    Decided that if I can see Harry Potter on the opening day, that I could also see James Bond "Die Another Day". Afterall, I'm more of a James Bond fan than a Harry Potter fan, and I liked the first day Harry Potter experience.

    Headed out to the late showing at the Indooropilly BCC. This time had no probs with the student card, it was in date, and found that showing a Fly Buys card gets you in for $9, compared to $10 for a concession. File that one away for further use! Some dork behind us in the line didn't notice though, and thought he was clever getting in for $10 with an old student card. He He Elsta - live and learn buddy.

    Grabbed the obligatory water, while Elsta got Popcorn, and we sent Andrea off to mind the spot in the queue for the cinema. That was a good move - by the time we got up there, the queue was already to the bottom of the stairs. A few other line jumpers decided to join us (P & H) and then more again (A & housemate). So we had a good little balloon in the queue at our spot, and chatted idly about how we could sit in the cinema one seat apart, and take up a whole row. We didn't do that. But it could have been fun. By the time the door opened, the queue was all the way down to the first ticketing area, and we knew it was worthwhile getting there early.

    Got into the cinema, got MY seats, so that was good. We all got the row together, thanks to some power walking and elbow jabbing on my part to ensure I got MY seats. They are MY seats after all - you wouldn't think I'd have to assert myself would you? So we got half the row, and all was good. But then Elsta started making gay advances towards me. I was scared. I read him the riot act, and he behaved himself for the rest of the movie, but watch that one guys.

    The adverts were great to stat with - Val Morgan would be proud. Somehow the volume wasn't loud enough to be heard over the full cinema of people, and the light in the projector was blown. As Elsta so eloquently put it on the night, "These are the best ad's I have never seen". I couldn't agree more.

    So finally we got through the trailers (LOTR2 which looks great, another first showing viewing for sure!, The Tuxedo, which looks like a good JC movie, and another superhero movie which name escapes me, but also looks good), and got to the movie.

    The movie starts in typical James Bond style, with JB (Pearce B) coming on and shooting the audience. I've never been able to figure out how that's a good way to start a movie - but anyway. The starting sequence has some great surfing, and we think it was real. It really is a great sequence! It kind of sets the scene for the whole movie, in which anything that collides with anything, no matter how small or unrealistic, will explode. Oh, unless of course James is driving! But its a good sequence, and now I want a hovercraft. And a helicopter. And a couple of fast cars and a jet!

    The obligatory music video is quite good, the chicks are nice, and the CG is very good - even their breasts move correctly and nicely as we all agreed this morning over coffee. It also sets the scene for the rest of the movie, and explains why James Bond ends up looking like Tom Hanks from that island movie with the volley ball and ice skate.

    From thereon in, the movie is a rollercoaster ride of explosions, one liners, sexual innuendo, special effects, explosions, sexual innuendo, tantalising half naked chicks, one liners, explosions and sexual innuendo. There are huge holes in the plot, physics just doesn't apply to the world of James Bond, and there are some glaring holes and ridiculous outcomes. But that's what James Bond is supposed to be. Well that's what I think.

    I loved the movie. I loved the one liners and sexual innuendo. I loved the cool gadgets, the nice Bond girls, the fight scenes and the rollercoaster plot. Some of the physics problems (like cars which obviously don't have crumple zones, as the can fall from 1000 feet and not compress into a small ball on impact) and glaring errors (like the parachute from the ice racer that turns from a round stopping chute to a square stunt chute) and bad special effects (like the kits surfing wave - meh!) and things that just can't happen (diamonds staying imbedded in ones face!) were a little annoying, but then how can you pick holes in a movie who's whole storyline revolves around a gigantic reflector orbiting the earth, which can be directed to shine the suns light on any target?!?

    Go expecting the movie to be unrealistic. It is. Go expecting it to be action packed. It is. Go expecting it to have explosion galore. It does. Go expecting Bond to die. He won't (he can't!). Go expecting Bond to blow everything up. He does (I think the next one will be called "Detonator finger"!). Go expecting to see the chicks naked? You'll be disappointed. But the bad Bond girl does fight in her bra!

    Its a good movie. I liked it. Of the group of us that went, I think I liked it the most, and some of the group just hated it. So Porcupine, if you are reading this, go after a few beers, and expect the worst. Then you may just enjoy it! ;-)

    Read more (3)
    Resident Evil - Porcupine (12/12/2002 4:42:09 AM)
    Walked up to the local video store with Ninja and his girlfriend while fat Mike goes off and buys some alcohol. We have troubles deciding. Resident Evil is there but Leanne doesn't want to see it. There's not anything else that she want's to see, she's tired and probably won't see the whole of any movie we get so we get Resident Evil anyways. Besides - she stopped us from seeing it at the cinema and this is a kind of revenge. Not that I am into that.

    I have seen a couple reviews for this movie and they were all pretty negative. I guess that's just the way critics are.

    Sure this movie has plot holes, but that is not what the entertainment is about. It's obviously not an intellectual piece, I don't know why people try and treat all films as though they should be some sort of documentary. I can pick stories apart too, but at least I can see the movie for what it is. Entertainment. If people have trouble letting their imagination have some fun then too bad for them.

    Leanne left us three guys to do all the watching when the elevator scene looked as though it may get a little messy.

    Milla Jovovich, the female lead, is gorgeous! She gets to play a very strong character and kicks some serious zombie butt with a couple extraordinary stunts that had the three of us cheering! As did some of the other stunts throughout. The pace is great except towards the end where things tend to wind down a little, but the ending itself is rather cool, in my opinion. Resolution isn't everything.

    Note that there is nudity, but you really can't make too much out. Even when you run back over the scene a couple times using slow motion and freeze framing.

    This is well worth seeing if you want some light plot, high paced action type movie. Great fun!
    Read more (6)
    Harry Potter and the chamber of secrets - Mafu (27/11/2002 10:39:17 PM)
    Well, for the first time ever, I did the "see the movie when it first comes out" thing. I was dragged along by my better half to the 9:30am screening, which happened to be the first screening in the Indooropilly megaplex.

    We arrived early, about 9:00 and the cinema wasn't even open. However, there was a huge crowd of people, and quite a few (the dedicated or crazy ones) were dressed up as characters from the movie. They were quite cool to see, but I could have done without the crowd or the wait.

    Eventually, after arguing with the checkout girl about a one day out of date student card, and buying a hugely overpriced frozen coke ($3 or so in the refill cup - GEez!), we made it up the staircase to the theatre, got in, and found that MY seats were taken (third row up, center). We settled for third row up, slightly off center to the right, and settled down for the movie.

    The crowd atmosphere was cool, and the gaggle of girls up the back cheering and "ooing" and "ahhing" at the male actors (and "eeking" at the spiders) while slightly destracting, actually were pretty cool (never thought that I'd say that!).

    The movie is quite good. Heaps better than the first HP, and I really enjoyed it. Its very long, at 3 hours, and I was suprised that they killed him off at the end.

    OK. I lie. He doesn't die.

    They match the book very well, although some key bits still get missed, but that happens with any text to movie conversion - when was the last time you converted a .DOC file into a .MPG successfully?

    There are a few special effects that could have been done better, and some that would have been better left in the films they were taken from. There is also a few problems with the teeth structure of the big snake (like its wrong!) and the flying car graphics are well... a bit chitty (pun intended, you work out the pun!).

    But that all aside, it is good. Was good. I'd see it again. Its about an eight out of ten.

    Make sure you stay till the end, there is a great clip after the credits about what happens to one of the characters (a bloody funny one at that - both the clip and the character!).

    Oh, and watch TV tonight, channel 7, I may well be on the news. I'll be the one trying to fade into the background behind a group of girls in Hogworts uniform. They were cute but.
    Read more (4)
    24 hours in London - Porcupine (20/11/2002 6:47:33 PM)
    Browsing through my video store's DVD section, seen nearly everything worth seeing as far as I know, but I spot this one which has a recommendation on the cover by "Spy Magazine". Well, if Spy Magazine recommend it, then it has to be good.

    I did not know then that Spy Magazine is run from some autistic kid's treehouse for the sole purpose of getting poor saps to pay good money to rent DVDs that aren't worthy to be spat upon.

    Written and directed by Alexander Finbow. This guy has no talent. Seriously. His writing skills would have peaked at the age of seven. He starts his movie with an urban myth of a girl drugging a guy and leaving him in his bath tub without a kidney. It's all down hill from there, and it was one hell of a small hill to start with.

    What follows is some of the most stupid dialog and contrived scenes I have ever witnessed.

    Let me state for the records that I don't mind bad movies. I often go out of my way to watch specifically bad stuff for my amusement. However, I have to be in the mood, and I have to know they are bad to start off with. Unfortunately I was expecting a decent flick, given the Spy Magazine (grrr) recommendation on the cover.

    None of us watched it to the end, pretty much 20 minutes was about all we could take. We vented our frustrations by playing one of the most angry and violent sessions ever of Unreal Tournament 2003.

    I checked IMDB user ratings for this movie, and noted that Mr Finbow had visited it about 30 times to vote 10 for his movie. That or the sick fekkers from Spy Magazine.

    I wrote on the cover of the video store's DVD "Possibly the worst movie ever made" as a warning to other potential renters.

    My mission in life now is to find the treehouse headquarters of Spy Magazine and get medieval on their hides. I also will not allow anything to do with Mr Finbow in my house again.
    Read more (1)
    Transporter - Porcupine (2/11/2002 6:41:25 PM)
    Thursday night, let's see a movie. The options were Red Dragon or Transporter. I was ambivalent but Ninja really wanted to go see Transporter. Fair enough. Having only glimpsed at the shorts I expected the story was tending towards a girlie road-trip type movie where this transporter guy falls for the girl he is transporting. I could not have been more wrong.

    Oh, we got to see the trailer for the next bond movie "Die another day". Now that looks very impressive ... in a James Bond movie way.

    Transporter is an action movie. Full on, amazing stunts, fights and explosions type action movie. The lead is played by Jason Statham (Lock Stock and Snatch) who handles the part of a retired special forces guy (there seems to be an abundance of these guys in movies) who has settled in a villa in Europe somewhere, who cares where, although much of the scenery is awesome. He decides to take up a transporting business in a product placement car provided by BMW. He delivers all sorts of stuff, but his rates are high, so I guess part timing as a pizza delivery guy isn't on the cards. There's a plot in there somewhere, but generally we don't focus on that aspect in this type of movie, although I think the plot is quite good for movies of this genre.

    If you have seen xXx, firstly my condolences, and secondly, Transporter is a MUCH better film. Statham plays a far superior hard arsed hero than the smirking Vin Diesel ever could. The stunts in Transporter make xXx seem pedestrian. I can't believe they are making xXx2.

    The martial arts were excellent, and some fight scenes were quite novel. Sure, Transporter had some stunts which were just too far fetched to ever happen, but instead of wanting to roll your eyes at it - then check your watch, they invoke mirth, at least for me.

    Although the ending slowed down and was typical Hollywood soft, I came out feeling thoroughly entertained and would highly recommend this one to any fan of action movies.
    Read more (2)
    Ali G - "In da House" - Elsta (20/07/2002 1:49:14 AM)
    Thursday night at the movies and I’ve been waiting to see the Ali G movie ever since hearing he was making one. The cinema was empty, I guess he hasn’t yet gathered much of a following down under which was a good thing as it was the first night session of film. The few that were there were hardcore fans like myself and a few people that must have thought “fuck’it” to Thursday night shopping. Ali does a running commentary through the film that left everyone in stiches well after the movie ended. His comic genius in all of the characters he plays was not shown to its full potential in the film as you only see him play one other part that was only thrown in for I’m sure his own entertainment. You do however get to see Ali G and his crew toting beefed up matchbox Gti style cars (just like becks:) that the owners spent too much time colour coding. You gotta go see this flick if you’re a fan of Sacha Baron Cohen or if not you shoud go see the film anyway as all the proceeds go to buying a new hip for his poor Nanna.

    Ali G Translation:

    Thursday night at da movies hand I’ve beun waitin to see da Ali G movie eva since hearin he was makin one. da cinema was empty, me guess he hasn’t yet gathered much hof a followin down unda which was a good thin as it was da first night session hof film. da few dat were there were hardcore fans dig meself hand a few people dat must ave thought “fuck’it” to Thursday night shopping. Ali does a runnin commentary through da film dat left everyone in stiches well afta da movie ended. His comic genius in all hof da characters he plays was not shown to hits maximam potential in da film as me Uncle Jamal only see him play one otha part dat was only thrown in fer I’m sure his own entertainment. me Uncle Jamal do howeva get to see Ali G hand his crew totin beefed up matchbox Gti style autos (just dig becks:) dat da owners spent too much time colour coding. me Uncle Jamal gotta go see dis flick if me Uncle Jamal’re a fan hof Sacha Baron Cohun or if not me Uncle Jamal shoud go see da film anyway as all da proceeds go to buyin a new hip fer his poor Nanna.

    Read more (2)
    Freddy Got Fingered - Elsta (12/07/2002 11:41:22 AM)
    I just finished watching “Freddy Got Fingered” and I gotta tell ya, I liked it. Most of the movie reviews that hit pop1 are usually an attempt to warn others off or to liberate one's feelings online to a small following of geeks. Well, I don’t know if that will be sufficient in this case. Firstly, I may need therapy and or a combination of hard anti schizophrenic drugs and a shit load of therapy. This movie pushes all the boundaries of modern cinema, no fuck that, it didn’t push them it ran them down with a Mac truck and then backed over them with an elephant sporting a hard on. Never have I seen so much sickening shit squeezed into such a short amount of time… not that short really, Freddy Got Fingered is probably a long movie, not that you’d notice. Most of the film I was too grossed out to look at the screen.

    Can’t say I was ever a fan of Tom Green but after seeing this flick I'll be looking out for him in future. There’s a web site (all in flash) for Freddy Got Fingered , but I suggest you overlook the site and just go rent it. Don’t be spooked by the lack of a story line, I don’t think this is the kind of film that requires something as ridiculous as a plot to get in the way of the exceedingly dark (almost black) humour. If you’re stomach has a tendency to run away from scenes that graphically depict elephant masturbation then I suggest you skip this flick. If you can handle sick humour, even just a little ... I know you’re out there ya freaks, go rent it.

    My Vote, Go rent the fekker ... $6.00
    Read more (4)
    Minority Report - Porcupine (25/06/2002 1:15:12 AM)
    I saw the shorts of this and straight away knew I wanted to see it. I wasn't alone - I had three invites to see it with various people. Mischance messed the first two sessions, but finally I get a viewing on the last.

    Tom Cruise stars in this flick as the chief of pre-crime, and does and damned good job of it. The last movie of his I saw was Mission Impossible 2 which is a tragic waste of celluloid and a violation of the "MI" name. TC has hits and misses with his roles. This one is a hit.

    There is a good load of special effects in this movie, sometimes they are played up a little too much but nowhere near the level of Star Wars Ep2. The director goes way more for symbols here. The theme to the movie is all about seeing and we are shown eyes; eyes cut out of a paper face, eyes poked out, eyes open unseeing, eyes bandaged up, eyes in a bag etc. Oh, and a hug of the chief and the precog to look like a Janus effigy was a wonderful esoteric touch.

    A murder mystery where the murder hasn't yet taken place. Who's gonna do it? The post movie discussion we had brought up some good points like life imprisonment for "crimes of passion" doesn't sound very fair. Finding a flaw should make an almost perfect system better ~ once you figure out how to fix it, not really a reason for dismantling it. The precogs end up being pretty selfish if you ask me. The needs of the many ... bah. Was the chief's outing really premeditated, how the precog see it so far in advance otherwise? What resolution do your thoughts come in?

    A flawed hero, a villain who's good, a goodie who's bad, some neat twists - ya, a great story line. A typical Hollywood ending lessens the movie a good deal, but not so much as I cared as the journey was great. I highly recommend "Minority Report".
    Read more (4)
    Spiderman Spiderman... anything a spider can? - Morte (8/06/2002 11:36:55 AM)
    For a start, it is a movie to be appreciated by Spiderman afficianadoes. Others will perhaps not enjoy it as much, as most of its appeal lies directly in nerdly comparison between Stan the Man's work in the comic strip, and the tv cartoon.

    No spoilers yet, but for the most part, it was very true to the tv cartoon and comic strip as I remember it. (Although obviously, I only remember the more recent editions).

    Willem DaFoe is exceptional as Norman Osborn. Nuances of facial expression and techniques to capture the dual personality worked very well.

    The familiar "With great power comes great responsibility" phrase is oft-repeated. Whilst a truism, it's possibly bit ineffective on the audience when repeated ad-nauseum. Made for Americans, I guess. Who did the screenwriting on this one?

    Tobey Macguire is perhaps a more nerdy rolemodel than the comic strip or tv series, but he skillfully portrays Parker's needs and desires, and his driving motivations.

    Kirsten Dunst is loveable as MJ. The idealistic girl with the stars in her eyes is shown to have a massive belief in her potential, at the same time as not being self-confident enough to escape the peer pressure of the high school cliques. Her character grows in two dimensions only, but hey, it's a comic, people.

    Harry's relationship with Peter, and conversely with Spiderman, follows the predictably dichotomous course.

    I thought some of the action would have been much better had the shots been wide enough to capture spiderman moving at a relative speed slow enough for you to register properly. As it was, some shots were far too rapid to register, (Perhaps the CGI had to be paid for by the frame). I have to acknowledge that the cheesy still shots on spiderman while the background is rushing by, were NOT overused, and if you made the wider motion shots any slower, it would have been less realistic - realtime motion and physics deny us any leeway there without an IMAX screen and 60 frames a second to view it with.

    Things to look out for.
    - Director Sam Raimi (Evil Dead, Darkman, Xena, Hercules, etc, etc, etc) seems to have put a few familiar faces around for you to look at. I saw two.
    - YOU try to find Stan Lee in there. Someone told me he had a cameo, but I didn't see him, and I didn't see him on the credits (which flew past about as fast as spiderman's flight action sequences, so that's not saying much).
    - I saw only one tastefully understated shot of the towers, to remind you which city Spiderman lives in.

    Warning! Spoilers and nit-picks below:
    - Half the time you are asking yourself why Parker didn't just get a job as a scientist, rather than a photographer. I daresay circumstance and the need for fast cash made his mind up for him. And his pride prevented him taking a job at OSCORP. Parker's decision at the end of the movie contrasts with what I remember from Spiderman, and is rather
    shocking and self limiting, even if it is understandable given his fears.

    - A sub-theme of the movie follows genetics vs nanotech - Parker was not bitten by a 'radioactive' spider, but rather a mutant super-spider, created by a genetics research group. The spider did not die, but scurried away under a lab cart. The question begs - "So what happens when any of the 15 lab spiders bite someone else?". Osborn was experimenting on himself with his latest nanotechnological elements, in desperation to prevent a government military tender going to a rival corporation, and sending OSCORP to the wall in the process. A part of Osborn's research is the glider, and a flight suit which controls the glider. (Also a SWEET set of ultra tech weaponry in the faithful shape of the goblin's jack'o'lantern bombs.

    - A series of mitigating circumstances lead the viewer to fully sympathise with Osborn, at the same time as reviling the Goblin. Osborn really loves his son, and regrets not having been a better father, as revealed in a board meeting outburst, among other places.

    - J. Jonah Jameson's part is basically a cameo. His one dimensional character is adequately portrayed. The power of the media for false influence is illustrated succinctly.

    Things the movie does cover:
    - Spiderman's short lived wrestling career
    - Uncle Ben

    Things the movie does NOT cover:
    - Madame Web.
    - Harry turning into the Green Goblin's successor. (only just - it's only a matter of time)
    - Any super villian other than the Green Goblin.
    - Black Cat and her father, and his past, and the secret police state which incarcerated him.
    - Mary-Jane's disappearance, subsequent temporary reappearance, then revealing that it wasn't actually MJ anyway.

    Read more (3)
    Movies and Competitions - Porcupine (27/05/2002 2:19:57 AM)
    Birch Cinemas run competitions with prizes; generally free tickets to a movie they are screening. You have to be a registered member, which is OK as you get regular email telling you what is on, and any special deals going.

    Unfortunately, I sometimes don't think co-operatively when coming up with answers for their competition questions. An example:

    What are the hardest words to say and why?
    Porcupine Answer:
    "This movie sucks, I want my money back" - because (1) suckage is so extraordinarily subjective and open to argument; (2) the movie people probably would be disinclined to refund an already viewed film in any case; (3) sucky films usually leave me drained and grumpy, no state for confrontation. With this fore knowledge, it would be very hard for me to say the words which would start the inevitable argument.

    If there was an Aussie remake of Snow Dogs filming at Thredbo, which actor would you choose to inherit a pack of snow dogs and why?
    Porcupine Answer:
    Kylie Minogue: just to see if anyone could tell the difference.

    I AM SAM
    Why would you want Sean Penn as a member of your family?
    Porcupine Answer:
    To feel superior about myself. To have someone to beat up.

    Besides 'Scooby snacks', with what else would you reward Scooby-Doo for his mystery-solving?
    Porcupine Answer:
    Genetic testing to prove that Scrappy-Doo is not a relative of his‚ and may be sumarily executed.
    Read more (1)
    Star Wars - Episode 2 - Aia08 (17/05/2002 3:13:02 AM)

    “MY goodness, you’ve grown,” Padmé Amidala tells 19-year-old Anakin Skywalker – and he isn’t the only one maturing.

    Attack Of The Clones sees the second Star Wars trilogy triumphantly coming of age after the disappointment of The Phantom Menace.

    Clones has everything that gave the first three films such universal appeal – humour, intrigue and great characters.

    Anakin is now a cocky, tortured teenager whose gradual shift towards the Dark Side is compelling.

    Ewan McGregor’s Obi-Wan Kenobi is older, wiser and much funnier than before. When offered “death stick” drugs in a bar, he comes up with the best Jedi mind trick yet.
    Waving his hand at the lowlife dealer, he tells him: “You don’t want to sell me death sticks. You want to go home and rethink your life.” The film lacks a Han Solo-type character but a fully-bearded Ewan McGregor is much better as Obi-Wan Kenobi this time round. He has been given more room to deliver his cheeky one-liners.

    Lovable droids R2-D2 and C-3P0 are back in the thick of it too and their bickering and humour are a welcome return.

    There is an impressive new baddie in Jango Fett – a Maori-featured bounty hunter who is so hard that scientists cloned a whole army from him.

    Christopher Lee’s Count Dooku is a charismatic villain who, as well as being pretty mean in a fight, has plenty of dialogue – something Phantom Menace’s Darth Maul was sorely lacking.

    The real star, though, is Yoda – now a fully mobile, computer-generated action hero. The last scenes include an epic gladiatorial monster fight, a massive battle between hundreds of soldiers, a bloody fight involving dozens of Jedi Masters and — hold your breath — Yoda in a thrilling light sabre battle. He is a few hundred years younger in this movie. If I can recall he was 900 yrs. old when he thought Luke in Dagobah.

    If there is a criticism, the love scenes between Anakin and Padmé area little smoochy by far. Just under an hour into the film Anakin pulls her with the line: “I don’t like sand, it’s rough, not like here where its smooth and soft.” Cue placing his hand on her bare back.

    But Clones has exhilarating battles, strange creatures and surprises by the bucketload, which make it the best Force outing since The Empire Strikes Back 22 years ago.


    The vicious killer, above, is one of the arena beasts, along with the Reek and the Acklay, that gladiators and condemned prisoners face on the planet Geonosis.
    The Nexu is a tiger-like beast with rows of razor-sharp fangs.

    A massive, toad-like beast with three horns and a metal ring through its nose.
    A favourite with the cheering drones that watch the bloody arena competitions.

    Genosian Soldier Drone-
    These are perfectly adapted warriors. Though strong, they can be beaten by intelligent enemies.

    A huge, fast, insect-like creature which uses its claws against the victims it is unleashed on in the arena. Often starved to give it a bigger appetite for killing.

    These pin-headed, ostrich-necked creatures were forced to adapt to the changing climate which has flooded their planet, Kamino.
    Cloning technology and selective breeding have kept the race alive.
    They live in cities on stilts but can survive in water.
    They are polite but intolerant of physical imperfection.

    Jedi Knight Shaak Ti-
    Like all the Jedi Knights, Shaak Ti would rather use her subtle powers of perception to resolve conflicts through negotiations and diplomacy.
    But when it comes to a fight, she can hold her own, working at her best in group combat.
    She darts through chaotic battles aided by hollow blue and white striped horns which allow her to sense objects with ultrasound, just like a bat.
    Shaak Ti is a highly independent spirit from the planet Shili.
    She is played by Orli Shoshan.

    Mace Windu-
    Senior Jedi Council member Mace Windu (Samuel L Jackson) was briefly seen in The Phantom Menace but takes a central role in Attack Of The Clones.
    He has unwavering faith in the power of the Force to protect the Republic until he realises he has underestimated the threat posed by the Separatists and the “dark side”.
    He takes all the Jedi knights he can muster to the planet Geonosis to fight the sinister Count Dooku and rescue Obi-Wan Kenobi.
    Mace Windu has built a new lightsabre for himself and is one of the best living fighters with the weapon.

    Jango Fett-
    Jango is the most ruthless and successful bounty hunter and mercenary in the galaxy.
    He lives on the planet Kamino, whose inhabitants have mastered cloning technology and keep their race alive by selective breeding.
    Fett allows himself to be experimented on by the Kaminoans to create an army of cloned troopers.
    He wears an amour-plated uniform and flies with a jetpack complete with missile launcher. Father of Boba Fett, the infamous boutny hunter from Return of the Jedi. Portrayed by Temuera Morrison.

    Count Dooku-
    The dangerous and dashing count was once a distinguised Jedi Master.
    He resurfaces after being missing for ten years as the leader of the Separatist movement, which threatens to destroy the Republic.
    He is played by master of horror Christopher Lee.

    Senator Bail Organa-
    Was the First Chairman and Viceroy of Alderaan, a hero of the Clone Wars, and the head of the Royal Family of Alderaan. An influential politician, he was a loyal Senator who commanded the ear of Supreme Chancellor Palpatine himself. The adoptive father of Leia Organa. Played by Jimmy Smits

    Owen Lars-
    Had toiled to make a life for himself on Tatooine since a young age. The son of a moisture farmer, he greatly valued the traditions of discipline and hard work. He tried to pass on these values to his nephew, Luke Skywalker. Though he was a caring guardian, Owen's demeanor was gruff and strict, which often led to tension between him and his daydreaming nephew. It usually fell to his wife, Beru, to iron out the differences between Owen and Luke. He is portrayed by Joel Edgerton

    Overall it is a fantastic film that does the whole series justice. It’s easy to get carried away with the hype of a new Star Wars release but I will stick my neck out and say that it is at least as good as any of the others.

    It is easily as good as The Empire Strikes Back and better than the original and Return Of The Jedi. I don’t even have to mention The Phantom Menace.

    It has been a couple of hours since I saw Attack Of The Clones and I want to see it again. Now, if my hubby doesn't mind.
    Star Wars – Episode 2 - Purple Penguin (15/05/2002 8:52:05 AM)
    While the rest of Australia was lining up like plebs to see the midnight screening of Star Wars – Episode 2 – Attack of the Clones, I was fortunate enough to score a ticket to the Queensland premier held at the more civilised time of 18:30. Cheers to Greg and the promo team at 97.3FM.

    So, I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news:

    The good news is that Jar Jar Binks is only on screen for about 5 minutes max. That’s 5 minutes too much.

    The bad news is that this is a sci-fi ‘chick flick’.

    Yes, a chick flick. I couldn’t believe it. After all, after four Star Wars movies, we’ve come to expect action, light-sabers, freaks and fast spaceships. All of this is great. Unfortunately, what we are treated to in Episode 2 is a soppy, irritating romantic plot where young Anakin Skywalker has grown up and fallen in love with the very rootable Senator Armidala. Anakin’s got it bad – he’s sooo in love. Armidala wants it just as bad, but “it would never work”. While the action takes a back seat, we are forced to endure a fumbling story of a love that dare not speak its name. I hated this. I wanted light-saber fights. I wanted spaceships. I wanted Yoda. I wanted Samuel L Jackson to “shee-it”, the way only Samuel L Jackson can. What I got was romance.

    The good thing is that the movie more than makes up for the soppy crap, with some spectacular action and piss-funny scenes. Two hours of pithy, 8th grade, "will you go with me" romance is more than made up for by seeing Yoda doing his best “ninja, the tea party’s over” and cutting sick in a light-saber fight. Funny shit. The whole cinema was laughing.

    The guy that played Anakin was good. Ewan McGreggor (Obi-Wan) – excellent. Natalie Portman (Padme Armidala) – super spunky. Samuel L Jackson (Windu) – the man. Yoda – good he is. The rest of the cast – a case of spot the Aussie – superb.

    All in all - not a bad movie.

    Penguin rating: 6 turnips.

    Read more (4)
    The Bank - Porcupine (10/05/2002 7:18:49 PM)
    Friday night. I'm supposed to go to Adam's bucks night but MS Msgr falls over before I could get the details. Kind of a weak excuse, I could have used the mobile phone, and should have too ~ Adam is a great guy. But I had a good number of rationalisations like I don't drink or smoke and the other guys were gonna be there trying to do as much of that as they could; I needed to work on the music his wife-to-be wanted for the wedding; he didn't need looking after as his brother would be there.

    So, home instead, Mac and me decide to gorge on chinese food and watch DVDs. Not much new out, Mac sees "The Bank" - yeah, sure, let's go back and oggle the cutie clerk at the Chinese Takeaway.

    Start the DVD and we get "Australian Movie" shoved in our faces. I couldn't help the auto-groan that escaped. I hate the fact that I still have the Oz-cringe. The last couple Australian movies that I have seen have actually been very good. I will try to be better in the future. I have to say that the cinematography is very well done, the lighting, some of the close ups and camera angles had me nodding in appreciation (I love photography remember).

    Our protagonist is a mathematician who has a keen interest in the stock/money market. We are subjected to a cajillion views of the Mandelbrot set just so you know that the maths he is dealing with is about fractals. More, it is implied that he is even getting some of his calculations from the Mandelbrot set. Interesting thought that the stock market can be predicted by a function based on complex numbers. I guess there is an imaginary component to it. Heh! Oh. You didn't get that? Forget it. They also fudge the zoom in on the Mandelbrot set so they could get an infinite loop going. Scarilege! But as always this is a movie, aimed at Mr and Ms avg moron as far as the producers see it, so we are to forgive their inaccuracies and miseducation of the plebs. But they fudge the zoom in damnit!

    Anyways, the hero is a mathematician, pretty cool. What else is this movie about? Hate mongering on banks! Wooohooo! I'm sold!

    The hero of the story aint really a hero if you think about it to any degree. He does some really really nasty stuff, and not to the bad guys but to innocent people hard up on their luck. And the end result would have not only hurt the bad guys but everyone else. The shotgun would have been a much more accurate and cleaner device.

    Still, I cheered loudly at a couple points and there aren't too many movies where I do that.

    The ending was not the type where everything works out fantastically for the good guys and all the villains get anal probed. Its almost like that, but nowhere near the sickly Hollywood eat this predigested sugar coated piece of crap type ending.

    I am very impressed. Go to the video store and rent it out now!
    Collateral Damage - Porcupine (6/05/2002 11:46:34 AM)
    It's a long weekend and Mac and I were mostly hanging around EverQuest, or I'd be hacking ASP, playing with graphics software, generally interesting but tedious stuff. A call from Timmay inviting us to the movies was just the right break needed. Even Mac decided to come along, as he hadn't been out of the house for the last three months.

    Timmay's idea for a movie started with "Monte Cristo", but thanks to Penguin's review I gave a not very welcome two word response to that suggestion. I was kind of hoping for "Resident Evil" as it looks to have all sorts of eye candy and to hell with the story. God knows that most US producers must say the same thing. Timmay mentioned "Collateral Damage" and he seemed to take my 15 seconds of menacing silence as acquiescence. Modern communication methods really lack the ability to pass on menacing silences, two word responses seem to be far less open to misinterpretation. He had to confirm the choice with his better half and would get back to me. It was Mac who later picked up the phone and thus we were booked in for "Collateral Damage".

    Fine. Arnie has produced some wonderful action classics where his acting skills were never challenged, basically as they were not needed, which is lucky because they are non-existent. He relied on his awesome physical presence and stunts playing on his mountain of steroid induced muscle. Unfortunately Arnie has decayed. His pectorals swing as low as the breastage on the 60 year old african tribes woman that I saw on national geographic. He's grown a beer gut, lost some hair, and generally looking rather old. In the old days, his shirt would get torn off very early in the movie, but these days he's as shy about his body as the porky girl on the beach.

    His acting hasn't improved any either.

    So, what's the story about? Well now here's my conspiracy theory. Arnie plays a fireman, the first scene is all fire and smoke and rescue and burning and screaming and falling and saving old women and ... nothing more. That was a very expensive opening scene. A movie about a fireman. Hmmm. But then we jump to his wife waking up, oh, a dream, he's not a fireman after all? Oh he is, but what was the first scene all about? Apparently nothing. Very odd, they spent all this time and money on a pointless nothing scene, other than to show Arnie was a fireman.

    That was just the first minute or so, then we get a complete shift in the movie. The wife and kid get blown up by terrorists. Fireman, terrorists. Sound familiar? I wonder when was this movie being made. I wonder if the shift to terrorists suddenly happened or was it a disjoint part of the story all along. Surely Arnie wouldn't cash in on the misery of others? Heh, right.

    So to summarise the rest of the story: explosions, jungle, machine guns, Columbia, drugs, explosions, scuffles, land mines, missiles, bad CIA, explosions, motor bikes, axes, betrayal, explosions. Moderately high body count. All the chunk is hidden, so its obviously aimed at the kiddies.

    Yes, and the betrayal twist was pointed at from the otherwise irrelevant metal detector scene all the way to the godzilla explosion.

    Was it good? Nyah. Its piffel that lived down to my expectations. As piffel goes, this is reasonably good piffel.
    Scorpion King - Porcupine (27/04/2002 4:46:08 AM)
    This was a rush decision. A latish dinner reduced the number of options to see. I had discussed this "The Scopion King" as one of the films I will probably see later, but my companion decided that it might be alright. "Beautiful Mind" gets shuffled down the order again.

    The Scorpion King is a fantasy adventure along the lines of Conan. Except nowadays we have extremely well muscled computers to build scenery and add extras. Not only are the computers beefy, but most of the extras and a couple of the main characters seem to have been taking a large amount of steroids.

    This movie was supposed to be "The Mummy 3" but has become severely sidetracked. Well lost completely. There are certain amounts of recent "The Mummy" movies' cinematic style here, but otherwise this flick has nothing to do with the either previous mummy movie.

    The story line is very basic. Evil King, who is evil because ... well, not too sure. He seems to be bringing law to the land, conquering as Kings do. He has set up camp in Gomorrah (Sodom may be more fun apparently), so maybe he is biblically bad. Some tribe leaders are about to be wiped out by the King (probably because they don't want to pay taxes, be educated etc) so they hire assassins to kill the king's sorceress. So who are the bad guys? Well the King of course. How dare he inflict his will on other people, squashing their ignorant barbaric cultures with education and health. Yes, we're not meant to think about it. The good guys ... well, it is everyone but the king and his toadies, I guess.

    So, the assassination goes bad, brother assassin and friend assassin are killed. The sorceress is spared death because she has mesmerising breastage, which leaves our lone assassin to be caught by the evil king and later rescued by the cliched comedy relief horse thief. We get another comedy relief in the form of a scientist, the faithful camel, and the obligatory young boy thief.

    The story goes on, with tiny little twists on what you might expect to happen. So, does good triumph over evil? Depends if you think the mass murdering assassin is the good guy.

    Do we win as an audience? Kinda. The film is a no-brainer again, just sit back and let go of your common sense and the ride can be enjoyable enough. The relationships are pretty thin but done at least as well as any other movie of this genre. The effects are quite special, stunts are quite neat. Most of the chunk is kept off screen or happens so quick you hardly have time to register it. Its a formula fantasy film done as well as any. Worth seeing? If you like that stuff, sure. Its aimed squarely at the adolescent, or adolescent minded, but none the less enjoyable because of it.

    The only reason I had any problem with it was that this isn't the type of movie I would like to have taken somebody I wanted to impress to. But it *was* her pick! I should be more relaxed. *sigh*.
    Ice Age - Porcupine (25/04/2002 3:59:59 AM)
    Once again, off to the movies on Tuesday the cheap night. "A Beautiful Mind" is still there, but "Ice Age" has only a few sessions playing, OK, let's see that one before it goes.

    Ice Age is a computer animated cartoon type thing. All the animals talk, 'cept the squirrel, which can mime pretty well.

    Winter is coming, everyone is going South. Yes it all takes place in the Northern hemisphere, because people in the USA can't handle things going North for the winter. It would make their heads cave in. The world must revolve around them.

    A mamoth decides that North is the way to go, apparently feeling a little suicidal. An annoying sloth who is about to be killed by some gay rhinos decides to hang out with the mamoth for protection. They save a baby, forget to save its mum, and decide to return the baby to the humans. A tiger (saber toothed) wants to get this baby and decides to play along with the group until he can sieze his chance at munchdom.

    The movie is quite a predictable session of cliches. It's probably aimed at kids, who the writers hope aren't jaded with the cliched action. At this rate they quickly will be. Seems nearly every Disney and Disney-wanna-be try to follow a similar formula.

    So don't go for the story line, its more the character interaction that's fun.

    I didn't go in with high expectations, which was lucky. There's nothing superb about Ice Age, but I still liked it. Light fluffy entertainment, no brain required. I'd rather go see this AGAIN than see "Queen of the Damned" once.
    Black Knight - Elsta (21/04/2002 9:18:32 AM)
    Last night some friends and I decided to see a movie, unfortunately none of us could agree on which to see. There was division in the ranks as four of us were undecided, another didn’t mind as long as we didn’t see “The Scorpion King” and the other was sure that as long as it wasn’t “Time Machine” it would be cool as they had heard some bad reviews. We argued for a half hour or so then realised that we had about 5 minutes to pick something and get in the car. At this point we jumped on the AMC web site and, still arguing, picked the first movie that started in enough time to make it to the cinema as long as we didn’t stop for red lights and kept the rev limiter in the red at all times.

    In the heat of the moment we had chosen to see the new Martin Lawrence movie, Black Knight. Let me start by saying this was a mistake, and if I ever sort out who came up with the idea they’ll be shot and killed to set an example. It was that bad that the accusations started immediately after leaving the cinema, I turned to a friend and asked if it was their choice, they promptly denied any knowledge of picking it and passed the buck onto the only person not in earshot of our discussion. After beating this person severely based merely on suspicion, I decided to post a warning to everyone.

    Martin Lawrence plays some monkey that works for a medieval theme park that’s about to go under as another bigger medieval theme park is opening just up the road. I never knew how popular this type of theme park was ... they must be big in the states?

    Martin is the favourite of the fat old chick that runs the park but his attitude of late has been shite so he is given the job of scooping crud out of the moat that surrounds the park and promptly falls in the moat doing said cleaning.

    This is where the movie goes from mediocre to just plain crap. Martin’s character is sucked back in time to whatever fucking year and stumbles across what he thinks must be the new medieval theme park. He walks in to apply for a job and gets caught up in a struggle for justice between an old fat king and an ousted old fat queen. Then as per the schema of all tacky B grade Hollywood flicks he falls in love and has to defend the queen, kill the bad and evil king, shag the chick and return to his place in time. Starting to remind you of every other crap movie where some idiot gets sent back to the knights of the round table era to learn qualities like honour and the rest of that crap.

    Now there were a few funny scenes in this movie as you would expect but I’m sure if I had seen a preview of “Black Knight” all the funny parts would have been in it. So go see a movie, not this one, and if you happen see a trailer of “Black Knight” while you’re there know that you have seen all the best parts rolled into a stomachable 2 minutes.

    As for a rating: 2.3 out of a possible 10
    Check out the website ... better make that 1 out of 10 due to the flash multimedia junk.
    He Died With a Felafel in His Hand - Purple Penguin (20/04/2002 9:03:00 AM)
    I loved the John Birmingham book that this movie is based on. Surprisingly, I also liked the movie. It was strange. It was funny. It was pretty good, actually.

    The movie is about the adventures of Daniel (Noah Taylor), a serial share-housing housemate, who seams to always end up sharing houses with the strange, the criminal and the mentally unbalanced. Given that I have shared houses with Singaporean Muslim lesbians; an uptight, hate-filled, fascist German exchange student; a vacuous coasty hippy with an unnatural fear of trademarks; obsessive-compulsive, groupsex-loving Arabs; and a cavalcade of other eccentric individuals, including a human pot plant; I could seriously relate to Daniel and his housemate problems.

    This movie had the complete spectrum of people that you know you should never live with, but are usually stupid enough not to identify during the potential housemate selection interview. This includes lesbian Goths; nasty vegetarians; the obsessive-compulsive; militant, self-loathing, hysterical homosexuals; junkies; and people that are just plain weird. When you add a bunch of trigger-happy Victorian cops, eccentric henchmen, and a bit of cane-toad golf; it’s hard to go wrong.

    This movie is strange, but really watchable. If you’ve had to endure living in sharing houses, you can probably relate to the characters and situations in this movie. If you haven’t – well you might think that this is your typical independent shite film.

    Penguin rating: 8 turnips.
    The Count of Monte Cristo - Purple Penguin (19/04/2002 12:10:39 AM)
    There should be laws against this sort of movie. Seriously. Apart from arrogant pricks that drive BMWs and bleeding-heart wankers that want you to believe that drug addicts are victims, rather than the self centred criminal scum that they really are, there is nothing shits me more than when some artsy-fartsy, film making moron decides to turn a great book into a shite movie.

    As far as I’m concerned, The Count of Monte Cristo is the greatest book ever written. As such, I was looking forward to seeing the movie. Most people are familiar with the general story – decent, young guy, with an absolute sort for a fiancé, gets falsely accused of treason and left to rot in jail for years. He escapes, finds some treasure and becomes ludicrously rich. Understandably, the poor boy is rancidly pissed off and more than a tad vengeful, and so sets out to destroy everyone responsible for screwing him over. Sounds like it would be a good movie. So what went wrong?

    I’ll start with James Caviezel, who plays the main character Edmond Dantes with as much flaccid enthusiasm and interest as a room full of guys forced to watch feminine hygiene product ads. He did nothing for me. Nothing.

    Now Guy Pearce – there’s someone I recognise. He actually plays the pathetically arrogant, poncy, vindictive wanker, Fernand quite well. Too well, actually. I hated him. I really did. Now I'm guessing that we aren’t supposed to like his character; but when he annoys you so much that you would rather be doing some washing, gardening, or patchwork quilting, you know something is wrong. Guy’s best work was in Neighbours or possibly Ravenous; but not here.

    The worst thing about this vomitus excuse for cinema, is how these bastards have taken a powerful and compelling story and completely fucked it up. As I remember, the book ends with Dantes getting revenge on all and sundry, but realising, after he has destroyed everyone, that he has also destroyed his dignity, and realises that all this revenge stuff isn’t as satisfying and fulfilling as he thought. So of course this movie quite naturally changes the ending, so that Dantes gets the girl, gets the money, gets a kid and walks off into the sunset to live happily ever after. What the…??? I was irate - outraged even - that a fantastic story was destroyed by glossing it up with the sort of Hollywood-scripted, happily-ever-after ending that is designed to appeal to the sorts of Tori Spelling-IQ level, illiterate morons that think Britney Spears can act, and think Big Brother is must-see-TV. Creative interpretation? Get stuffed.

    To conclude, this movie sucked. Have a Kit Kat. Have a wank. Do some charity work. Do anything, but do not waste your hard-earned cash to pay and see this crap.

    Penguin rating: 2 turnips.

    Read more (1)
    Panic Room - Elsta (18/04/2002 5:30:31 AM)
    I don't know if I like this movie. Is it that I like every movie with Jodie Foster in it? Another thing that sticks out about this movie is that it is played out in one house. Now, I can imagine that it’s not easy to fill almost two hours of movie time all in the one location and still capture your audience, these days its even harder with moronic scripts and the demand for explosions and shit. I think Panic Room is the first movie I've seen this year that relies on its actors more then a semi load of computer graphics and special effects. They are there, but they are subtle and the film just doesn't rely on them. After saying that, I should mention that Panic Room has some of the best cinematography I have seen in a long time.

    Left in the hands of your typical Hollywood actor I'm sure this movie would have put all but the brainless teen moviegoers to sleep. Not my Jodie. She plays the role of a recently divorced mother of one, an absolute hottie, she plays the role very well.

    We have the house, recently acquired by Jodie’s character for some massive amount of money. The house has a hidden room in it that locks down so that in the advent of a robbery, home invasion, nazi purge, mormons, relatives, trick or treater then the occupants can hide safely there until the cops arrive. Right from the moment Jodie sees the Panic Room, in some weird over acted way she is scared by it, and you know the whole movie will some how revolve around it. This is fair enough because if you weren’t paying attention, the movie is fucking called “Panic Room”.

    The story line has a few to many holes in it to mention, so I won't go into it in too much detail but enough to say if it wasn’t for my Jodie and the cinematography it would be a complete waste of time.

    Ok now that the whole plot is out of the way we can concentrate on the good bits. There is enough gratuitous violence to keep most people happy, although one scene comes to mind where Jodie whacks a robber in the head with a large sledge hammer who then proceeds to fall off a railing and down two stories of the massive house. This was all good and well till he gets up again and comes after Jodie in some god like feat of resilience proving that in suspense movies the bad guys aren’t dead till the movie is over. I'm telling you, if anyone breaks into my house I'm gonna go ape shit and mince those mothers, coz I just know they regenerate like trolls. I think the script writers must have the indestructable bad guy principle deeply ingrained into them at birth, half way through the movie one of the robbers gets greedy and is promptly shot in the back of the head by another one of the three robbers ...j just to show to what they must have thought was a brain dead audience that this particular robber was not going to be active in anymore scenes, he was then shot several more times in the face. The indestructibility of this sucker could only make the movie into a farce, which it allegedly isn't, so the guy was dead.

    All in all I think it is worth the watch as long as you go to see it on a half price night. After all, no matter how crap it is you still get to see my Jodie, mmmm Jodie.

    Oh and Mr Filthy also has a Review.
    Queen of the Damned - Porcupine (16/04/2002 9:02:45 AM)
    Tuesday night, cheap night at the cinema, so what do I go and see. "A beautiful mind"? Hell no, that sucker is gonna be in the cinema for a long time. Let's see something that won't be there next week. "Queen of the Damned"? Hey it has Claudia Black in it! Woot! We're in!

    Is it any good? No. So let me spoil it for you. I use spoil in a really loose sense here. Can a fetid pile of steaming offal actually be spoiled? No.

    The vampire lestat is really depressed. You can tell depressed people, they tend to sleep a lot. So after a couple hundred years of sleeping, he wakes up and decides to be the lead singer of some goth rock group. Isn't that what everyone thinks when they wake up? I could stop there for most people reading this; that would be enough to make a go/no-go decision. However, the alleged story goes on with more reason not to waste your time.

    There's an airhead paranormal investigator, who's parents were killed, and aunty is a blood sucker. She has some sort of interest in Lestat that is never really explained well. Destined to become one, right from the start. A blind man with hearing problems, not even in the cinema, two weeks dead could have picked that one. But then he wouldn't have had to watch the thing, I envy him.

    Lestat wants to drink blood from the vampire queen who got bored and decided to be a statue. But the statue was taken away. This is what made Lestat depressed. However his modern goth music awakens the statue, somehow, we're not sure, maybe the statue has cable. She comes to be with Lestat, but she has an unfortunate habit of killing everyone.

    The Queen asks Lestat to kill the airhead, for no readily apparent reason, which he does. But then Lestat turns on the Queen and offs her in a fit of special effects. *sigh*. Flatulence. No. This movie is trying to aspire to flatulence, but doesn't quite make it.

    Who would want to see this movie? Let's see. Goths who are really into vampires, loud goth music, but lack common sense, and have an IQ at least one standard deviation below normal. Oh, and officianados of really bad movies. I would love to see the MST3K crew get a hold of this one.

    And there is like two lines max for Claudia Black. She is way better than that. She should stick with Farscape until the better roles come in.