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| Star Wars – Episode 2 - Purple Penguin (15/05/2002 8:52:05 AM) |
While the rest of Australia was lining up like plebs to see the midnight screening of Star Wars – Episode 2 – Attack of the Clones, I was fortunate enough to score a ticket to the Queensland premier held at the more civilised time of 18:30. Cheers to Greg and the promo team at 97.3FM.
So, I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news:
The good news is that Jar Jar Binks is only on screen for about 5 minutes max. That’s 5 minutes too much.
The bad news is that this is a sci-fi ‘chick flick’.
Yes, a chick flick. I couldn’t believe it. After all, after four Star Wars movies, we’ve come to expect action, light-sabers, freaks and fast spaceships. All of this is great. Unfortunately, what we are treated to in Episode 2 is a soppy, irritating romantic plot where young Anakin Skywalker has grown up and fallen in love with the very rootable Senator Armidala. Anakin’s got it bad – he’s sooo in love. Armidala wants it just as bad, but “it would never work”. While the action takes a back seat, we are forced to endure a fumbling story of a love that dare not speak its name. I hated this. I wanted light-saber fights. I wanted spaceships. I wanted Yoda. I wanted Samuel L Jackson to “shee-it”, the way only Samuel L Jackson can. What I got was romance.
The good thing is that the movie more than makes up for the soppy crap, with some spectacular action and piss-funny scenes. Two hours of pithy, 8th grade, "will you go with me" romance is more than made up for by seeing Yoda doing his best “ninja, the tea party’s over” and cutting sick in a light-saber fight. Funny shit. The whole cinema was laughing.
The guy that played Anakin was good. Ewan McGreggor (Obi-Wan) – excellent. Natalie Portman (Padme Armidala) – super spunky. Samuel L Jackson (Windu) – the man. Yoda – good he is. The rest of the cast – a case of spot the Aussie – superb.
All in all - not a bad movie.
Penguin rating: 6 turnips.
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Penguin! I can't believe you got to go to that session, didn't take your girlfriend and she is still with you.
Mac, Me, Elsta, Ninja & Leanne all went to the 12:01am session along with all the other nerds. There were a couple people dressed in costume, but as long as you don't make eye contact, no sudden movements and back away slowly you are OK with those people.
The ex-democratically elected Queen, now undemocratically appointed Senator, Amygdala, is played by an appalling actress. I guess this is OK, as she is supposed to be Princess Leia's mum, who is played by a mediocre actress. Amygdala has that charming US accent that sounds so fekking bratty and up herself that I just want to punch her face in for just speaking. I nearly lost it when she recalls her childhood of living in the lap of luxury in a palace that was obviously squeezed out of the oppressed masses, doing sweet fek all, and then has the gall to brag about it. The Bitch! Anakin, who's mum is still being oppressed, should have struck her elitist ass down where she stood and claimed a blow for the people, instead of comlpain about sand getting in stuff. Bah! Stupid hormonal youth. What the hell did the Jedi think would happen? Of course you don't stick a teenage Jedi anywhere near distractions like a nubile rich bitch.
Anakin, is also played for bratism, but I think he is trying for that. Unfortunately his acting skills must also leave a bit to be desired as there is an obviously digitised lip quiver that George must have added in to supplement the acting deficiencies.
There is a section on the Fet family and how little Bubba got his helmet. Pappa Fet was once a warrior, but doesn't have too much to do in this movie. Seems the Jedi are out to stop the Fet line in its tracks, which would be a bit hard to do given all the clones. One section that grated more than a little was Pappa Fet explaining to the whole audience what the little device Obiwan placed on the hull was. Fek you George, we are not brain dead. Here's a better line "He followed us ... charge the hull to destroy any tracers." How about that, tells us the same thing but you're not directly telling us "Oy! You people in the audience are complete and utter idiots! Its a tracer." Scripts are so important. Sometimes.
The effects are generally very cool. This movie is all about eye candy, and its got plenty of it. But I think George should work on shadows, I don't think he quite has them right particularly on landing craft. Plus some scale issues when two characters are in the same scene, but obviously weren't.
Lots more battles; which is cool. The Yoda battle is the highlight of the whole film, worth the price of admission alone. I would have paid double if someone had killed Jar Jar before he said anything. Its obvious that the federation or whatever, has gone to hell because they took advice from Jar Jar. Damnit, I would have turned to the dark side simply to get rid of any government body that has Jar Jar in it.
I don't know if it was because it was really early in the morning or not, but the movie seemed a touch too long. Maybe if we cut down on the eye candy traffic scenes. Yeah George, it looks great, it looked great the first time, but its only traffic for heavan's sake! Get on with the alleged story, show us how you are gonna stitch it all together, make us believe you have a plan. Explain to us how you are going to deal with the droid continuity problem. Tell us how you are gonna split the kids up. Tell us how Anakin's voice suddenly drops to the wonderful tones of Vader. When do the storm trooper helmets get the "A New Hope" style upgrade? Who is gonna get to kill Amygdala - Bubba Fet?
Did I like it? Ya. Except the really really cliched, stupid, overly long girl-boy dialogue. Clear evidence that George has lost it. Um, but George, I'd still like that invitation out to your ranch if that's OK. I'm just bitter is all. Its late and I am going to bed, to sleep perchance to dream ... of Amygdala in a white jump suit ... in the cold.
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Guys SERIOUSLY! I haven't seen this movie (haven't bothered to see the other 4 either), but do you honestly think that Armadalia and Annakin COULD have made Luke, and Leia WITHOUT "tuning" each other first? HELLO ... if you didn't have that, then you wouldn't have had Luke and that crazy princess with the bagels on the side of her head.
Just goes to show by your reactions that you expect girls just to have your children without bothering to put in some time and effort beforehand. Two words for you guys: SPADE WORK!
Hope it was all it cracked up to be. We only have one more episode to go, right?
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Well I am posting about 5 months after the movie but hey, I am an end user and want to post my ideas.
I liked the movie. I didn't like the majority of actors however. I thought the guy that plays Anakin was to put it blunty SHIT at acting. For someone that was the anchor role in a movie that was one part of 6 movies I thought he was very disappointing. He couldn't show any emotion past the bold and the beautiful type faces. I did like Ewan Macgreggor and Sammuel L Jackson as they commanded a mighty presence on screen. I thought that the script was as bad as the first - Why the hell don't pay some GOOD scriptwriters a LOT OF MONEY and get a great script for the third installment in your prequels!?
It would be a shame to make 3 movies that are all shit compared with movies made over 20 years ago....
The Yoda fight was good as was the collesuem battles. Anyways that is enough ranting for me. I just hope that George makes a decent third.
Ninja
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| He was a shit actor... prolly see him as much of him in upcoming movies as that guy who played Luke Skywalker in the original Star Wars.
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