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| Nemesis - no longer a virgin... - Princess (12/02/2003 7:38:46 AM) |
Well, after seeing Porcupine’s critiques of other films on this website, I decided that I should give something back to the Pop1 people. Recently I went with a friend of mine to see “Star Trek: Nemesis” at the Indooroopilly Birch, Carroll and Coyle megaplex.
Aside from all of the eye candy (of course I am not talking special effects, and by the way, you in the blue shirt, if you’re reading this, I gave you my number so that you would call, ffs), the three kilograms of popcorn and the 4 liters of Coca-Cola, we managed to get our tickets and be all seated in the hall in record time. “Why?” I hear you ask, well, my movie friend was actually on time! You could have knocked me over with a feather.
There was a reasonable smattering of people in the hall, sharing this experience with us, including the blue boy, he was very tall, had milky white skin, and jet black hair. But I digress – My friend, David and I tried to work out how wide the screen in Cinema 9 was, using the standard measurement of the length of his Toyota Cressida, until the time came, the lights dimmed and we were presented with the slide based advertising.
Being me, I naturally bitched about the fact that the Val Morgan dude that surfed on and chomped up the popcorn was missing – only to find that when the slides were replaced with the motion ads there he was. I was enjoying my great view of the blue boy, wondering if he would use the phone number that I gave him. I mean, after all, he was so hot – he had this cute little spiky duck billed hair thing going on – and green eyes.
So, it started, the film that is, and we were presented with a lovely rendition of the Jerry Goldsmith theme and then I saw it, the first thing that I knew this was not pure star trek – the Dragon heart font! I started to wonder just exactly what was I dealing with. Who does this? Why on earth, (or not on earth as the theme would suggest), in God’s name would anyone choose a medieval looking font for the opening titles of a fricken’ futuristic science fiction film?
It took me about ten minutes to recover from the sheer tastelessness that the production designer, Herman Zimmerman, had visited upon us, the loyal movie going public.
Alright, so the film progressed – Wil Wheaton was there, and has anyone noticed that he got fat? And I am not talking endearingly so as is the case with yours truly, fortunately Wheaton kept his whining mouth shut (although he is tall, with light skin and very dark hair) and praise the prophets that he didn’t save the ship. I should also mention the fact that Frakes had grey in his beard and looked as if he was truly over the hill, and oh, I guess that I shouldn’t bitch too much about the fact that even the android had aged, after all, it has been 15 years since this whole thing started.
Kate Mulgrew showed up as Admiral Janeway – her first season bun was back, as was her full on arrogant micro-management – somehow promotion has not improved the Hepburn wannabe’s people skills.
The story was a little bit slow at the start, as with all even star treks, but it got going, and I enjoyed it, then the next non-star trek thing happened – AN ACTUAL SEX SCENE. There it was, finally I knew why the Americans couldn’t handle it. Never before had we actually seen sex in Star Trek. As the scene progressed, I realized how pivotal to the plot this would be because it turned into a rape scene of one of the Bridge officers. (This later turns into two of the bridge officers indulging personal vendettas in two separate events – once again, not very star trek).
Well, I know that this is really too late, but to cut a long story short, it was a good movie, far better then the hideous Star Trek: Insurrection (which, in spite of its hideousness had the correct font). I guess the usual nerds were annoyed because there was more sex on the screen then they have had in the past five years. Mind you I can so understand about the nerds objecting on the basis of the type face. Zimmerman – you have a lot to answer for! Now that I have my star trek fix for a while, I am going to focus on the really important stuff – like willing Blue Boy to call me, Zimmerman, if he does, I will forgive that ridiculous font... but only just.
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This movie sucks. Sometimes in an amusing kind of way, but mostly painful. Spoilers to follow, but if you haven't seen it by now then you aint a trekkie and you don't care.
I was supposed to go eat pizza with the boys but had to miss that because rain made taxis impossible to get ... and I got soaked. We decided to meet at Chermside and see this movie. Since we're all trekies to one degree or another, why not! We all knew the reviews were mixed, mostly negative, so our expectations were trimmed.
The opening scenes are particularly painful with all sorts of speeches so heavily covered in cheese that they must have been ordered from the Eagle Boys near us, hold any meat. The singing wrinkly Data scene is short but not short enough to stop cringing.
Some of the background theme music is so out of place that I thought it was one of the deck crew playing tunes on their console or something. Cpt Picard would surely rouse at them to "turn that crap down!" but no, the sound guys must have just given up. "Hey! We haven't played this one yet, what you think, this one? I want to go home, this movie is crap, this piece can't make it any worse. Let's play this one."
We're cruising in Enterprise, heading towards the extreme horror of a nude wedding, but thankfully while traveling along the sensors pick up some positronic stuff a gazillion kilometers away. Gawdamn our detectors are great. Let's go check it out. We're on the surface, can't pin point their location even though the bits are a few meters away. Gawdamn our detectors suck. Oh, and we have to land, we can't beam down because of the ever handy ion storm. There's always an ion storm. Let's go for a ride in our nifty terrain vehicle. Weeeee! Does it have water in its wheels? What was the positronic signature: a older Data. Fine. How handy. Let's load all of wrinkly Data's memory into it. OK, so that means wrinkly Data is going to die later on in the movie but we have a backup. Weeeeeeeeeak. But we have the basis for another movie I guess. Not that they will ever get money for a next gen film based on this one.
Oh, the Romulans have been taken over the by their more war like counter parts, the Remans. The Remans want to make peace with the Federation. Well that makes sense. Send in the Enterprise.
Oh, the Captain's clone has taken over the Romulan empire. How nice. Let's moralise about genes vs environment a bit. Hmmm, clone needs some medical stuff from Cpt, some procedure or other so clone-boy can live. Kidnap the Cpt, then put off the procedure just long enough so Cpt can be rescued by wrinkly Data. Who only has one teleporter device from Geordi. Good thinking Geordi. Well now they get to drive something else to escape - better eye candy than teleporting.
Some chase scenes, some ship battle. The ultimate weapon which takes 7 minutes to warm up. Right. Cpt and clone have a nice last battle reminiscent of Excalibur. Oh, and the hallway battle was very like a scene star wars (ep4), even with the ducking down the side chute, where I was sure they were going to end up in a garbage hold. In the end, Geordi's oversight of giving wrinkly Data only one teleport pendant costs dearly. Luckily we have a backup.
There are some real stretches beyond logic in this one, a nit picker's field day.
Princess tells of a sex scene, but there are much bawdier throughout the many multi series on TV. This scene is really tame by any standard. Not even channel 9 would cut the scene in any way even if played at peak time, which it never will be. Maybe Princess should go back to watching movies like Crossroads and Glitter. Doesn't Kirk nearly score a woman every second episode.
If you have to see this one, go see it on the big screen. The eye candy is all the movie is worth. Make sure you go on a cheap night, and soon, it ain't gonna last long. If you don't know if you want to see it or not, then you don't.
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Porcupine, you're a cynic.
In defense of my review - I was distracted - and BTW FYI - Blue boy did call :-)
We met for a drink, then I found out he supported the democrats. Hardly a suitable suitor.
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